Ass-Ma

Now that we've covered the majors, let's talk about some minors...

There was the guy I met on the internet (I forget his name) who, on our first date, seemed quite nice and normal until I excused myself to use the restroom and he promptly began making pee noises ("pshhhhhhh"). This was our first and last date.

Tristan stuck his finger down my throat to help me vomit when I drank too much.

Grant left me outside his apartment to die when I drank too much and collapsed outside on the ground. (I promise I'm not an alcoholic- drinking stories just seem to make good stories).

Michael (not first kiss or fiance Michael, this is a different Michael) liked to frequently tell me his fantasy was to have sex with me on a Bowflex.

John asked me "Do you wash your hair with rainbows?" because he thought my hair smelled really good. This was not a pick-up line, he was serious.

Dave told me I should be sponsored by Plush because my skin was so soft. Also not a pick-up line. A little more on Dave: Dave shaved his entire body and collected pez dispensers. He had a giant pez bunny that he freaked out if I touched and had pez dispensers lining his bedroom walls. For a time, I really liked this guy. There's no accounting for taste.

Charles asked me if I used an inhaler cause I had "ass-ma." He also told me that "he was no weatherman", but I "would be getting more than a few inches tonight." Charles also asked me if my daddy was a chicken farmer, cause I "sure knew how to raise some cock." These WERE pick-up lines. They worked.

Kevin constantly would start sentences and then decide not to tell me what he was thinking of saying. Kevin also often sent me emails informing me that he had written me an email but decided not to send it.

I would also like to include a list of some of the possessions I have acquired from the men I have dated. Some of these things are gifts and some were just left with me.
-Sparkly pink bowling ball with my name on it (gift)
-Computer (gift)
-Vacuum (left)
-A billion sweatshirts (left) -->I often gift these to my father
-Blow-up mattress (left)
-Taboo (traded for Scattegories)
-Big red salad bowl filled with Easter candy (gift)