She Seems Like Kind of a Freak

A few weeks ago I went out dancing with some friends. I went with a guy friend (who I was kind of into) and a bunch of his friends and met some of my friends there. We all had a ton of fun and at the end of the night I went into Guy Friend's house to hang out with him and his friends for a bit before going home. It turned out that one of the guys lived in my apartment complex and he invited me to come over for some lasagna. While I was starving, I didn't think going over was a good idea for a number of reasons. For one, I didn't want to give Guy Friend the wrong idea in case he was into me. Also, this guy seemed to like me and I wasn't sure going to his house at 3am was the smartest move if I didn't want to get more than lasagna. I asked for a rain check and headed home. By the time I got home, however, my desire for Italian food far outweighed my common sense and I decided to head over. When I got there he randomly mentioned that he had been texting with Guy Friend on his drive home, but wouldn't tell me what they were talking about. Clearly the texting was about me- I know this because the world revolves around me (and because I could tell by the look on Lasagna Guy's face and the fact that he refused to tell me what they were talking about). Lasagna Guy has the same phone as me, so I know how to use it. A few minutes later I inconspicuously pick the phone up and pretend to be fiddling with it. Obviously, what I'm actually doing it reading the text exchange. I'm REALLY not a fan of invading people's privacy and I know what I did was lame, but I had to know what they said. I will now share with you what I expected the conversation to say and what it actually said.

What I expected:
Lasagna Guy: So what's up with you and R.? She seems super neat.
Guy Friend: Oh, R, is just dandy. I think she's keen. I don't really know what's going with us.
Lasagna Guy: Alright, mind if I ask her out?

Reality:
Lasagna Guy: Maybe we should have run a train.
Guy Friend: Haha, maybe.
Lasagna guy: She seems like kind of a freak.

Awesome. Well, that is what I get for being a snoop.

Blog that Bitch

So we've already covered that I wash my hair with rainbows and should be sponsored by Plush. Well, according to my coworker, I apparently smell amazing as well.

(*Disclaimer: I do not smell amazing)

-Text conversation with coworker-

Coworker: Someone on train smells like yummy R.
Me: What????
Coworker: Your perfume. Someone got on BART and they smelled like you.
Me: I do not wear perfume ever. No body spray. Soap on special occasions...
Coworker: Well Tuesdays and Fridays must be special cause you smell good! Haha. I would know it anywhere. Is this bordering on creepy?
Me: No.
Coworker: Whew! Blog that bitch!

Well, ok...