I carried a watermelon

So I've talked a bit about some of the quirky and/or idiotic things that guys I've dated have said and done. Now I'll focus the spotlight on myself.

One evening, during my freshman year in college, I was sitting in my dorm's lounge with my best friend Erin. An attractive fraternity guy came in and handed us a flier for a party. There was a line on the flier that said "Parties that Kick Ass." Not wanting to waste a perfect opportunity to impress a hot guy with my wit, I yelled after him as he walked out the door "You kick ass!". I have great social skills, what can I say? From that point on, this became known to the girls in my dorms as my "I carried a watermelon" moment. (Please rent Dirty Dancing if you do not get the reference)

A few months ago I went out with Peter. This was the best first date of my life. Immediately after returning home from the date with Peter, I did what all savvy (and slightly off-their-rocker) women do these days- I cyberstalked the shit out of this guy. And what did I find? I found Peter's wedding website. Now I knew he was divorced, so this was not an uncovered secret. It was just a little awkward for me to be looking at my future husband's first wedding. The bride looked just lovely and the ceremony was held outdoors in a stunning location. How could our wedding ever compare? I was quite concerned. I shared the wedding website with 20 of my closest friends, coworkers, and the custodian at my office. A few days later we arranged to go on our second date. He suggested brunch and I suggested a walk along the water afterward. His response to my suggestion: "A stroll along the water afterward sounds lovely." "Stroll"? "Lovely"? He wasn't British, so I assumed he must be gay. I consulted the very gayest of all my gay friends, Rik, and he flamed (no pun intended) my fears. We went on our brunch/stroll date and I did not hear from him again. Yup, definitely gay.